Santa, Please bring me THIS!!

I am sure Kylie was wishing "Santa, Please bring me THIS!!" last night as we browsed in Pottery Barn Kids (PBK).

Pottery Barn Kids is Kylie's favorite store in the mall.  Last night, the ladies working in the store asked Kylie if she was looking for anything special.  I replied "EVERYTHING is special here!"  - we all got a good chuckle and shared a knowing grin.

In fact, my very first post on this blog was about Pottery Barn Kids.

Last night, Kylie went immediately to the jewelry boxes.  They are her very favorite items in Pottery Barn Kids. She LOVES watching the ballerinas spin to the music.

She especially loves changing out the ballerinas (every box comes with 2 of the tulle beauties).

Kylie loves things that come in sets.  She loves to line them up and change them out.  So, I asked the sales lady if you could purchase extra (or replacement) ballerinas.  She looked online and said she didn't see them available for purchase by themselves. (Bummer!! I was hoping I could order 2 or three extra to give her more to change out)

I would love for Kylie to have one of these beautiful boxes as she has been so consistent in her adoration of them for literally years.  Last night, she played with the card-stock ones, but if I ever lay down the money to buy her one, it will be a beautiful wooden one (they are expensive, but sturdy)

As you can see, Kylie made herself right at home in the little girls bedroom display (even taking off her shoes).  What I wouldn't give to be able to have a good size room for her so she could enjoy it like she enjoys the one in Pottery Barn Kids.

What was interesting about her play last night, was that she had both a pink jewelry box and a purple jewelry box that she was playing with.

There are two beds in the display and she kept going back and forth between the two.

She was trying to carry both boxes and I kept envisioning her dropping one and breaking the mirror inside, so I told her that she could only carry one.  She chose the purple one and went over to the other bed.

I followed her over (ever hovering over the boxes to ensure they didn't get broken or damaged) and asked Kylie "Is purple your favorite one?" She replied "Yes" but then I noticed that the bedding was all in purple shades (on that bed, the other bed was in pinks) so I asked Kylie "Is it your favorite because the bed is purple?" and she replied "Yes"

... so, moral of the story is that purple is not necessarily her favorite, but matching the surface that she is on, is really important. (light bulb moment!)

After about 45 minutes of watching the ballerinas, we moved on to the books and Kylie became fascinated with "Fancy Nancy and the Mermaid Ballet"

Here she is reading the Fancy Nancy book on yet another Pottery Barn Bed! 

(I think this book will go on the Santa wish list too)

Yep, I'm packing our bags.  We're just going to move in!  Pottery Barn Kids, here we come!!!

"Twirl With Me, Mommy!"

My daughter, Kylie's, favorite place to play is at the Pottery Barn Kids store in one of our local malls. Kylie goes immediately to the Madeline Play Vanity, sits on the little pink tuffet and admires herself in the mirror. She then finds the jewelry box display and spends the good part of an hour investigating the interior of the boxes. She opens each one slowly as though they contain a great secret. The treasure within is a beautiful, tiny ballerina that twirls in perfect time to the music.

My daughter is mesmerized by these simple wooden boxes, and I silently observe as she studies the ballerina, takes a step back, places her sweet little baby arms in the same position as that of the ballerina and slowly begins to turn. I try not to make a sound as I don't want to break the beautiful spell of the moment. My precious daughter is in a world of her own, make believing she is that sweet little ballerina. I feel tears pool in my eyes and I choke on the words that have gathered in my throat.

I realize then that we are not alone. A small group of ladies, employees and customers, have gathered. A hush falls over us and, as I glance at their faces, I realize they are feeling the same tug at their heartstrings. They, too, are taking a little walk down the memory lane of their own childhoods. When they rouse from their reverie and realize that I have noticed them, they comment on how beautiful Kylie is and how adorable she looks as she dances to the music- so innocent and oblivious to the audience that has been watching her.

What they don't know is that my Kylie experiences Autism. They don't know all the work, steps and conditioning it has taken to be able to even approach a mall let alone ride an escalator or elevator. What they don't know (at least not yet) is that when I tell Kylie that it is time to go, this sweet ballerina will morph into someone entirely different - a very loud and unhappy someone. A someone who most likely will lay on the floor and scream because she cannot process why we can't stay. She doesn't understand what it means that the store is closing. Her communication difficulties are a barrier to expressing appropriately how she feels.

I have a decision to make. Do I take the time to explain to and educate these ladies, who are adoring my daughter, that she experiences Autism so that they will understand when they see the transformation take place? or do I protect my daughter's privacy and let them think that she is a horribly misbehaved child and that I am a terrible mother or worse that I have spoiled her and she is a naughty child. I know I'm not supposed to care about what others think, but I do - I always do.

Just then, Kylie catches my eye and reaches for my hand. "Twirl with me, Mommy?" she asks and how can I deny her? I gather her little fingers in mine and we twirl faster and faster. The struggle of what I know is to come falls away from me. I feel less overwhelmed. I feel like I can breathe. Kylie begins to giggle and I feel a smile tug at my lips. Now we are laughing together and this mommy is getting dizzy. We twirl and twirl and twirl! Kylie could keep spinning for much longer but, mercifully, she gives me a break. What FUN we have together! Can we freeze this moment? Do we HAVE to have a transition?

Oh, what I would give to stop the clock. Right here, right now with my baby's hand in mine. The Autism seems so far away. I inwardly plead for more time.... I capture the memory in my heart.... I savor the moment.... I indulge.... I enjoy!

"Again! Again? Twirl Again?" she asks, with a sparkle in her eye and a giggle in her voice...

"Yes!", I reply, "Yes! sweet Kylie, Let's twirl again..and again...and again..."